August 8, 2023
at some point i started saying that i'm into aesthetics, interested in romantic philosophy.
here i go again with the big words. to be verbose...
anyways, i think it's true that i'm into this kind of thing. it's not a lie at the very least. i read simplicius simplicissimus: the baroque-style german-book about the insufferable kid who became a theistic hermit apprentice. he was a cute kid, studiously christian in the age of the thirty years war. insufferable, but less so by the end of the book.
i relished in rousseau's confessions and his odd life that now i can only recall in vague remembrance (he's genevan right?)
now i have the term "sturm und drag" etched in my memory. layovers in germany, i'd think about how this is where these new considerations had their start.
i never thought i was fashion-savvy. me? rejected it. in all honesty, i didn't even want it to apply. cringe.
i was the studious kid who had no time to care. right? i went through that phase where i hated pink, thought makeup was a travesty against authenticity.
function over form.
being called pretty was a worse compliment than being called smart, in the zero-sum world i fabricated for myself - praise for my erudition has been replaced by comments on my appearance. an abomination! things change. i've changed.
my views on the world also changed, priorities too. one could guess, not different than the rest. in this regard, i'm grateful for it.
sturm und drag and the german romantics.
my movement. the credo i quickly outfitted for the time-being.
platonic beauty was this intrinsically valuable thing (incredible i know).
i mean i probably always held this truth, but i'm reaffirmed in my suspicion that having the vocabulary to articulate my inarticulable means a lot: actually important or not.
liking pretty things was not cringe?
crazy.
wanting to replicate some of that was actually a real thing one could want: what does it mean that i place so much emphasis on the transmissibility of my beliefs?
i can't let a feeling just be a feeling. it needs to be something i can express. something i can share, talk with others. have it be clear and understood. gloom that can't be put into words is just labelled as sad. i move on. verbal validation a requisite for emotion to manifest?
weird.
anyways...i couldn't articulate that i appreciated how things looked, some things more than others. it didn't feel like enough.
i've mentioned how i never enjoyed museums. sometimes it still feels like people are strolling by these coloured canvases, pretending to care. i'm sure this is common experience, but it's not all the experiences that come with looking at the beautiful.
on the things i like. i wear classic black converse. every year or so, i'll get my one pair of shoes. surf reddit, maybe browse through pinterest, ask a friend. i need a sneaker. can i run? can i walk? is it decently water-proof? socks soaked with water is still an annual experience, but some protection is nice. neutrals because they go with everything. before i didn't care or didn't spend time noticing.
my new pair this year and i like how roughed up they'd get. looked worn because they were. the original color dusted with a light wash of dirty dust. sometimes the lack of patience gets a hold of me and the laces get tied in an odd way, some additional quirk to be matched with my mismatched socks because i can't help but lose a sock in every pair.
may we all find our matching, mismatched sock. to be a dreamer.
past-tense was unintentional, i'll keep them for a while. some things are being left behind though. some dirty dust has been washed away.
i was brought up to dress "sharp." i had glasses and wore classic department clothes, bought in bulk, bought on sale. i grew up and thrifted, scoured old closets, my closet is a river of black, white, shades of blue and green. things i liked. things i like.
and (my) 'aesthetic' is still hard to put into words, but seems less important now.
plato argued that creativity, that art was 'ex-nihilo', that all creation of the artistic form was derived from divine inspiration.
purity in ingenuity. simple. kinda basic.